Dec 18, 2014

Life Should Have Gravy And Gold Lame....

This morning I wanted to write about Christmas and merry and jolly and the world falling in love and may all your New Years dreams come true... wait, that's a song I'm listening too.
These past weeks I have witnessed many beautiful things, met amazing people, yet I am struggling to put the words on paper. So, there's this instead...

I should have recognized the direction we were headed Thanksgiving morning, when the lid exploded into the air, crashing down into the gravy, pieces everywhere.
My sister said, "Ya know they'll replace that lid. That's crazy. Since when does a lid burst into the air exploding?!" 
She had me there. Never have I seen that.
I was also thinking, Okay Jill, as soon as we scrape it off the ceiling, scoop the pieces out of the gravy, puzzle them together finding the brand, take a picture... then figure out what to do about gravy today... then I'll worry about the $25.00 lid to the pot.
She was right, but I aint got time for that.
Yet, that was the exact direction we were headed. Things exploding into the air, crashing down into the gravy, daily. Oh, how the holidays do that to us.

The other day I dropped friends at the airport before Obama came to town. Yes, that Obama. I left them a little early to avoid the looming traffic jam. This gave my friends extra time to enjoy all things Nashville airport. Sorry friends, but at least there's live music as they watched Air-Force One land and taxi in. I also had a hair appointment and while there I would make my fourth phone call to the Dermatologist office.

A few days before, I had gone with the son, in between his Finals, to said Derm appointment. When we arrived to the hall of open welcome desks, Dan said, "This is strange, no one is here." My spidey sense had already kicked in as I realized I had not received a text the day before asking me to confirm. Oh shoot, this is not going to go well.
The doors to the inner waiting area opened automatically as we walked towards them. It was empty, but for blaring television. Hmm...
Dan and I looked around. "Hello, hello," I called repeatedly. I opened the interior door to the exam rooms and Doctor offices, all of which were open. I again called through the building "Helloooooo."
This is Weird. I called the Derm number (different building)When I eventually got through, explaining where I was, the gal seemed surprised as she told me they were at their Christmas party. Awesome.
Long story short... I spoke with manager, also shocked. I promised I was squinting out of my eyeballs, not looking at anything as I knew this was a total HIPAA Violation. Papers ALL over... and he promised to call back. He never did. Sad face.

Dan was looking at me shaking his head... in wonder or dismay. Whatever, nino. You are twenty one and your mom is with you at the derm office so... there's that.

Back at the salon....  I'm at the wash basin, my stylist is grooving and moving, slathering stuff on my head, while I'm holding the phone away from my ear trying to finalize some type of appointment for the nino before the end of the year.
I hear splat on the floor. I look at her and she says she has to go mix new stuff... I ask why and she looks down. I ask, "What kind of wood is your floor," She says, "Pine." I say, "Okay, so the stuff now has a pine scent, you should charge extra." She laughs, "Are you sure" I say, "Are you kidding, look at me?" phone in hand.... she laughs.
I love her... besides I'm pretty sure it was my fault.
Exploding floor or ceiling, six of one, half dozen of the other....

Later, I am in a three hour interview where they decide if you are safe to be around children, i.e. mentor them. Lots of hard questions where they try to break you down, make you cry. I aint scured. Questions like.... How much Orange Is The New Black have you watched? But really, tell us have you watched Breaking Bad?
So, the gal interviewing me tells me she got flat out stuck, turn your car off, take a nap on the highway yesterday, because of Obama. It was cold and gray, getting dark time of day.
A car of lady drivers (not sure why this is important, but I think you'll understand) next to her asked if she wanted to join them for games. See? How funny... what did they mean? Did they have monopoly in the trunk or were they talking beer pong set up on the side of the road? Maybe Heads Up on their iPhones?
That's my favorite. You don't need much room, but I'm kind of animated so I might need to stand up for that game or at least have a glass of wine and that might be a problem in the car. Side note... I was once asked if I was the dumbest person in the world while playing that game (I warm up slowly sometimes to new games) but I kicked butt once the gauntlet was thrown and now Watch. It.
Boom. I won that game, by a landslide. Fact.

Back to the interview... well, not...The Interview. My Interview. Geesh, who messes with North Korea...  and that guy? What a bucket of nuts.
My interview went well and I think I made a new friend. We hugged it out at the end. That's always a good sign. This gal is amazing. It's hard work what she does and I have great respect for the people in this office. Yes, one is my girl, but this has nothing to do with it.
I hope I made it through, though I did say we beat our kids, but clearly I was kidding as I was laughing. Come on people...
My daughter warned me you never kid!!! Sorry for the pun. KID.
I started to drive home, debating stopping at the grocery store, which I dislike like Kayne. Sorry. I haven't been to a grocery store since Thanksgiving. Kind of proud. I know it's nothing to be proud of, I know. But I didn't go, I had one yogurt and some cheese and some almonds so...
but I should have gone... because, I hit a dog. Yup.

Lid exploding into the air.
It went like this.
I was watching this lady walk her dog towards me, on the left side of street. Cute little brown dog, lady sure, she was attractive too. Actually, I really liked her coat, it was gold lame and it was early and I was like, wow, lame in the morning hmm... you don't see a lot of gold lame that early.
She smiles as I get closer and then...
she put her hand over her eyes and I hear a thud a second after I see a streak to my right as my foot slams on the break.
A little Beagle mix, who didn't seem to have a brain or anything broken had run back into his yard, shaking, as his human mama came out and scooped him up. She thanked me for stopping, the gold lame lady hugged me and thanked me for stopping. Why wouldn't I stop? Besides, I really needed that hug.

A couple days later I'm standing on a subway platform in the twighlight hours of morning, on the way to the airport, headed back to Nashville. The sound of the train is far off and I hear a man talking loudly to a few women, who I know don't want him taking to them. He begins walking towards us. The husband is sitting, I'm standing a few feet away. I hear a sound no one likes, deep in the throat, then a release.
Eww. The hubs and I share a look.
I look up and the man is in my face. He has a kind face though he seems tired, as he has spent the night imbibing, and now is perhaps looking for a place to lay his head for a sleep.

He says loudly and closely, "You a mama? You a grandmama?" I'm a bit startled and before I can answer, wait, why would I answer ? He says, "You look gooood." As if reassuring me, that if I am in-deed a grandma, it's okay, I look gooood.
I say, "Thank you" and smile. I look at the husband. He is smiling and shaking his head.
I say, "That may be the best compliment I get all day." He smiles and pulls me close.

Friends, eat the gravy, play the game, do the interview, take the compliment, pet the dog, hug the lady, wear gold lame, no matter the time of day, enjoy the ride.... whatever direction you find yourself today. It's all part of your journey and there's only one YOU. Share Yourself. We need YOU.

And no matter what... find the merry and jolly this Christmas. It's all around us, sometimes it's wrapped in lame, sometimes in gravy. Merry Christmas.

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