Mar 29, 2011

Living in the in between

I have just returned from the land of Oz. This land paved with yellow bricks is filled with many lovely things, one being the good Doctor, affectionately known (to me) as Hawkeye.
No, he did not go to Iowa and is not a Hawkeye fan, though he does respect their wrestling teams and all things Hawkeye.

He is Hawkeye for two reasons... silly ones, but isn't that how we arrive at special names for those we love?
Hawkeye is the cynical surgeon from Mash. This may be lost on the younger generation. Ah, another wonderful thing that these youngsters will miss, along with Mary Tyler Moore, I love Lucy and The Golden girls. Such a shame.. and they have replaced it with Snookie, The situation and more reality housewives with fake boobs than I can shake a flabby upper arm at.
Hawkeye is also an avid lover of Hawks..hence the name. Hmm, perhaps he should have considered Iowa as opposed to Rutgers. How many Hawks can there be in N.J. ? 

On our drive to the Emerald City last week he counted over 30 Hawks. I drove home Sunday, leaving Hawkeye where else, but the operating room and I didn't spot a single Hawk. Really, I looked. 
How can that be? Maybe they were at the Holiday Inn for Sunday Brunch or perhaps the company I had kept had given me keener eyes to see. Yes, he usually helps me see the big picture when I am stumbling over minor details.

The week In Oz... aka Wichita was spent moving into our new home.  I left it with new paint, clean carpets, full cupboards, tidy bathrooms, and plans for the future.
I also left it exhausted and feeling unsure of where I fit in . 
It seems once you buy a house it quickly becomes a home. A place to plan your future, embrace your family, shield yourself from the unknowns of the world. A place to be secure.
But also a place to be used, worked, challenged and needed. 
I have that here and I will need that again. I can already feel it, tugging at me, reminding me what makes me tick. Knowing my purpose and passion. 
God, don't make me wait. Give me something and quick. You know I hate daytime TV!

I left my one boy for my other boy. The nino was home from a mission trip to Cincinnati and he was missing me, just a little. He is a sweet boy and kind of sentimental, though he tries to hide it. 
So, the man/boy known as Hawkeye was telling me he was going to miss me and the week together was so much fun( fun.. really? He went to work each day... I talked to the painter for 4 days).
 The boy/man was telling me he thought he might have gotten bed bugs or poison ivy on his trip. Hmm, lets see, Poison Ivy in March in Ohio or bed bugs in a nasty apartment sleeping on old mattresses. Maybe they were fresh off the 1-800 mattress truck along with 500 count sheets. Nah...

Instructions were given to remove all items belonging to him ...out of my house... at once and start washing everything in HOT water. He complied but the itching and bites continued to irritate. Medication was given upon my arrival and it is believed he will survive. 
Thank goodness for moms.... and hot water.

Roles change but we are always parents to our children. Ask mine... parents that is.They will tell you..sometimes I still ask for money:)
The needs may change but then they throw us a curve and remind us of how much we are needed. Even when most questions could be answered on Google......" How to get my parents to give me a bigger allowance.... not happening, get a job!

Its funny how a kid of mine can travel to far away lands, sometimes thousands of miles and not need me and yet not know how to address an envelope or write a check. Oh yeah, then they are calling for mom.
Now where does that return address go he asks? On the back, upside down, in pig latin I tell him. 
The daughter told me once that checks were silly and outdated. I asked her if is she was planning on using a debit card someday to buy a house. She looked at me and said, "probably". Darn, I think she may be right!
Same child who told me she was plum out of contacts the day before(A sunday)she was returning to school, 5 hours away. " Really? thats wonderful. Lets look for those old glasses you wore in eight grade. Yeah, the plastic octagon shaped ones. No, I didn't say that but my mom would have and the shape would have been correct!

The land of in between continues for me, for longer and shorter than I desire.  A pull here, a pull there, and hopefully a landing place that is soft and yet full of opportunities and challenges. 
A place that God will fill me up, with Him.
A place that my kids will want to come and be loved, secure and know they can ask the tough questions in life. "mom, do you think I should get dreads?" 

The land in between is not so bad. It can be a grounding place. A place to redefine your purpose. To be sure of who and what you are. To recognize who and what you are not. To look honestly in the mirror and give it all up to Him. He's got my back and he knows my future and it is all good.

Jeremiah 29:11   "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

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