My dad seems to be transitioning from life to death.
I am learning this by watching.... as he struggles to get out of bed, agitation by thoughts swimming around in his head and the reading material provided by Hospice.
Kind of like paint by number.... some patients stay in the lines, others, not so much.
Dad is a fighter.
He ain't going down easy.
He's got a little Ali and Frasier in him.
I keep reading this stuff, so I am prepared for his dying, maybe not. You think you can prepare for this, but you really just follow yourself around and try to stay somewhat coherent.
And you call out to God and read Romans 8 ... and holler up, " I believe, really I do. But right now, I don't feel it... so you better carry me God."
Good thing faith isn't a feeling... I'd be SOL.
It is a gift, a great team of people, nurses that I struggle to pronounce their names, because they are from Haiti and Russia and Jamaica... and they speak in thick ways and their eyes are kind. Silas, the beautiful CNA from Haiti who I thought was 25. He laughed and said in his lovely english, " I am 45." He is gentle with my dad, and so kind.
It is a caring environment.... with a wonderful cook.
Yumo, its like Rachel Ray is in the house!
Only problem is you have to be dying to get in this club.
Yea, that kind of sucks.
Dang, just when I think my writing is improving and Readers Digest will be calling any day, I write the word suck.... and dang.
Below is a letter my mom wrote to the condo they live in. They put notices on the bulletin board to keep people informed.
Who broke a hip, who's colonoscopy went well, who needs a ride to therapy for who knows what. Who died, who might die and the meetings, luncheons, golf and tennis times. Hey, ya gotta have a little fun.
there is a magnifying glass hanging near this board for those who cant see!
Humor is necessary, especially in times like this. It's my most effective coping mechanism. I would take up drinking and drugging but I have a reputation to uphold. Plus , I don't really enjoy being out of control.
Thanks for understanding.
Here is the letter..... ps, I don't think dad wrote any of this. Some things never change
Dear friends; We have moved Carl to Hospice House in Stuart. I am staying with him night & day but for a couple of hours during the day to refresh and check things at our apt.
We do not anticipate this to be a lengthy stay, nor do we anticipate that Carl will be able to return to the Admiral. That part is a great pain to me because you have all been so kind and loving to us that I would like him to be at home til the end. It will not be possible and at this point we are not able to accept guests. Our pastoral people from our church are very attentive and meeting the needs of the day every day.
You all know of our strong faith and our belief in eternity for believers, that we will not perish but have everlasting life. I have lost 2 best girl friends this year and a son and son-in-law and parents previously and I can tell you that Heaven is looking better and closer everyday. We serve an awesome God who loves us more than we have ever loved any of our earthly family. Carl & I have been richly blessed in our lifetime not because of any good that we have done but because of His grace and mercy to all of His creation. In spite of our seemingly desperate situation right now we do feel His presence and as His word tells us " He will supply all of our needs, He will never leave us and that as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil for His rod & His staff will comfort us". Amen
Although we may not be "HAPPY" with our rather fast loss of the life we shared we do both have a JOY within us because of God's love for us.
Thank you all, over and over again for your constant support and your love. We love you right back.......
Arlene & Carl