Jun 4, 2015

Treading Water

 They call from email, text messages, Facebook, sometimes even my phone. 
They are constant, like the prairie wind I found when we moved west years ago.
Over time they erode my perspective and desires,
like dirt that blows off the fields in spring. 

Before I know it I have fallen into the pot of self doubt and comparison.
It's not a far fall really. More like a hop, skip and jump.

It's not that I want to crawl back in that boat I jumped out of years ago.
 I simply forget the direction I am swimming in.
 I trade swimming for treading water.
Treading water is a dangerous place for me. 
Treading water is like drowning.
It's boring, tiring and I'm not going anywhere.
Three things I dislike.

Niggling in the back of my mind or soul is the answer.
I know it's there. I just refuse it... for a moment. 
 A moment can be long.

Then I start taking in water and I grab hold.
I look up. 
I open the pages and I breathe in.

Literally, somedays this is what it feels like.
God does not make this hard. 
He knows who He created.
I am a simple woman.
I am broken and bruised.
I forget the beauty around me and trade it in for distractions that many times include videos of puppies, kittens and monkeys.

But the moment... sometimes the second I dig in, He is there. Like the calm in the storm, He whispers to me, and my hope is renewed and I swear I will never forget again.
But I will.
And He will be there. 

But in this moment, I am never more thankful for His abiding love and mercy on my life.
A simple woman with a simple faith in an amazing God. 

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