Apr 30, 2012

I'm A Fake...


I had an out to writing this post.
I hit the delete key accidently and my words disappeared.... then I looked up and saw the back-arrow key and darn it, I hit that key, bringing them back.
I needed to write this.
 Otherwise I would really, really be a Fake.
At the moment I am trying to convince myself I am not one of those... fakes.
 We will see how this goes.

How the trouble started....
Sometimes when I write my name on my computer, it spell checks to Fake..... really. 
Dale = Fake.
 Four letters. 
Okay, maybe this has a little to do with the fact that f is next to d and k is next to l on the keyboard.. and that my fingers never quite agreed with the normal way of typing, not sure though.
This happened 6 times in the last two weeks and while I really, really need spell check, I didn't think I needed a character check. 

It got me thinking though.  
At one point I said, "Hey God, is this from you?"
He didn't answer, but if He wanted to get my attention, He had.

I have been thinking about it ever since and I am wondering.... am I, you know.... a Fake, with a capitol F?
I think the answer is yes, probably with a capital Y, but I didn't bother.

Why I may be a fake...
I make big to do list and then, instead of starting my list I sit around, eating chocolate chips.
I decide to join a gym and start running again,(what?) but I grab a handful of chocolate chips..... instead.
I promise myself I am going to finish those 5 books. The ones I have read half way through, given to me by spiritually deep people, but instead I watch Modern Family ... while eating chocolate chips.
I say today is the day I will start writing that book, the one that terrifies me, but first I have to go to Target and get more chocolate chips.

It's a good thing Target is less than a mile from my house (maybe I should run there) and sells Ghiradelli dark chocolate chips. They are very healthy for you, especially by the handfuls.

Okay, maybe the real reason I may be a fake is because I sometimes get confused as to what I am supposed to be doing out here, in my new community.
I don't admit that, usually. 
Just here.
I stop seeking Him in the plan. I become impatient and go ahead, alone. 

Maybe I am fake because I want to be like other people, more accomplished people, funnier people, (I love funny people), clever people, (I really, really like clever in a person)
People who write better than me. Yeah, this is a long, ridiculous road to go down....
I feel like Sally Fields, "You like me, you really like me" Ugh. 
Have I become that person?
Do I care if you like me? Evidently.

Sometimes I miss being involved in work that I can see to fruition and feel good about. 
Accomplishment. Change happening.
Pregnancy Resource Center.. .I miss those ladies. So. Much.
 I miss making a difference.
 A couple other groups come to mind....that I miss terribly. They were part of my identity.
Guess that makes me a fake.
It's all about me.... mostly.

Pride. God never used that word as a positive in His word.
It comes before the fall, we deceive, delude and cheat ourselves, and become boastful.
Guilty on all accounts.

"Being Fake Is Not Being True"

I just read that today. Wow.
Be who you are, every day, all day and you will be True.... and then you will not be a fake. A little fourth grade terminology for you.

 God reminded me. He sent me a character check.
Be true, real and grateful.

And remember the benefits of dark chocolate. 
I hear it cures everything from the common cold to spelling errors.


  1. Reallyyyy needed to hear this Dale, I suffer from being fake too! This was encouraging. Good to know I'm not the only one out there struggling with this! I miss you!

  2. I love this. Because I like dark chocolate and am prideful and judgemental.


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